I would read anything by Jayne Hardy. If she told me she had written something on the back of a leaf and pointed towards a big ol’ forest you know I would be running right in there to find it. She is everything I hope to be and a daily inspiration. She’s gone and done it again – written another book that makes me say ‘SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BACK’ on every page.
This lovely book is focusing on boundaries: why they are important for our mental health, how best to set them and why they can be the start of showing ourselves some true kindness.
This September we wanted to focus on the importance of self worth, self kindness and self love. So I thought this book would be a perfect addition to our Selflove September month. We took a break last month so missed our usual monthly book club so it’s been great getting back into it. So let’s get started!
What comes with setting boundaries is fighting with a natural desire to people please. We put ourselves last in the priority list and bend over backwards to try and make others happy, which we learn they never are. Hardy comments in her book that a big part of self-love is learning to say no when we need to. Saying no to the party you really don’t want to go to as when it comes to it you will cancel and then have a downward spiral of guilt and shame. This won’t and simply can’t happen overnight, Hardy reassures us but is something we can work towards
If we would bend over backwards for others, jump to their needs and do whatever we can to help them, and that’s not returned, it can feel as though the non-returner is mean-spirited, uncaring and doesn’t hold us in as high esteem as we hold them. It can really hurt. That is, until we realise that their boundaries are absolutely nothing to do with us. Nothing at all. But our boundaries – they’re completely our business.”Extract from Making Space
“We fear rejection” – Hardy points out that a massive part of self-sabotage is not doing what we want to do out of fear of rejection, criticism and confrontation. How many times have you not gone for a promotion because of what your co-workers might think? How many times have you not asked someone out and pined over them as it’s easier than facing their rejection. This fear will continue to hold us back and we lot it due to low self-esteem.
Setting Boundaries not barricades is also so important. Hardy makes a good point to explain the difference:
Healthy boundaries are not insurmountable walls that are set in stone and impenetrable, just as they’re not trampled on and destroyed non-existent limits.”Extract from Making space
It’s all about finding that balance that works for you. Reflecting on your feelings, taking charge of them and being honest – even if it can be brutal.
When I read this book over summer I felt like I resignated with every single sentence. I felt similar when I read Hardy’s previous books, hence why I was so excited to learn about her third book. I am slowly relearning how to be kind to myself this year and this book has been a major support.
Thank you Jayne for yet again writing down all of my thoughts and making me feel less alone. Please comment below if you have read the book and how it made you feel. If you haven’t read the book I definitely recommend it! Emma x