If I am completely honest I didn’t want to write anything today, I haven’t wanted to write anything for around a month.
The main reason is that I didn’t think it was appropriate to be putting out content whilst the protests were taking place and are still taking place. #BlackLivesMatter protests are continuing across the world and #BlackTransLivesMatter protests have been taking place over Pride month. (Our lovely Jodes wrote a post about how we can listen to black voices and use our platforms, time and money to support.)
The second reason is that I really am struggling to focus when writing. Even now this is taking longer than usual and I’m not enjoying writing as I usually do. I haven’t wanted to write anything for a while now, because if I’m rudely honest – I can’t be bothered. Does it make sense that a blogger doesn’t really want to blog? Maybe not, but I hope people can understand. I thought with lockdown I would have more time and energy to spend writing, but it seems I have lost all motivation over the past month or so.
I’m not writing this for people to worry, I am okay. I realised my mood had taken a dip and that my anxiety was really flaring up and reached out to my GP. I’m going back onto my anti-depressants and re-starting my counselling to help me feel more like myself. I don’t feel like I did 2 years ago, nothing like that, but I knew something was up when at 2am the other night I couldn’t sleep because I thought I might have come across rude in an email and in the end had to find my work laptop to check before I could finally manage sleep.
But I wanted to make a post about why we had been quiet. We have been running ECBC for 2 years now, posting every week and continuing to put out new and fresh content to help those living with a mental illness. However I can’t not take my own advice to put mental health first and take a break to work on my well-being.
You can’t run on empty.
We will continue to put out content regularly and are still always looking for guest writers and contributors so that we can hear from a range of voices and experiences. So please get in touch if you would like to write a guest post 🙂
For now, please do not be hard on yourself for needing time and space. We are human and sometimes despite our best intentions to carry on, we need to stop and take note in how we are feeling.