Going through the motions of emotional abuse is one thing. It’s the aftermath of what has happened that affects you the most and finding a way to live through this afterwards is where the difficulty lies.
In this blog, I will be writing about how I managed to pull myself out of a dark place and teach myself about self-love.
What changes after you’ve experienced emotional abuse?
Your self esteem is at an all-time low.
You may still find yourself having an emotional connection mentally to the person who hurt you for a while after you break up – even after everything that has happened, because that person was so controlling and you were dependent on them, being able to detach yourselves from them is a different level of pain.
Your next relationship will be different – being able to trust another partner will put you on edge.
Accepting what has happened and moving on
You need to come to terms with the fact that this happened to you. Focus on the important aspects of your life such as your friends and family. My friends were a key component to me getting better.
Finding someone else to share your life with or just loving yourself
I have found the most amazing boyfriend and as cliché as it sounds, if all of this hadn’t happened to me, maybe I wouldn’t have found him. That happened for me, but don’t feel like you need to get into another relationship, you don’t, maybe just spend time loving yourself for a while!
You will never let anyone treat you that way again
I have never been stronger than I am now.
I didn’t start to get triggered by things straight away it actually happened further down the line after I had gotten myself out of the situation. For example, a couple of weeks ago some photos to do with my ex came up on my Facebook memories, which in turn caught me off guard and I had a panic attack. Even if you remove and block a person from your Facebook, they will still be seen on your memories. You can remove specific people from your Facebook memories. Go on, ‘on this day’ memories, click preferences, click edit next to people, enter the person’s name you don’t want to see memories with and save. It would have really helped me if I had known that information before!
Throw yourself into things that make you feel good
The best thing you can do is fill your days with activities to distract you and focus on your future goals. I went on to do a master’s in digital marketing and have subsequentially gained a job as a Marketing Manager. For me, acting and performing also make me happy and so I set up a theatre company with my best friend which has been successful and is still running today.
After all you’ve been through, remember to LOVE yourself. This is a mentally draining experience and you deserve to be happy.
Think about one good thing you did each day: literally anything – it doesn’t have to be that you bought a house, it could be that you got out of bed that day and had a shower.
Make at least one plan a week with friends and family: These people are there to support you and the best thing that they can do for you is hanging out and making everything like normal. Normality can help you heal quicker and taking your mind off the one thing that can easily control what you think about 24/7 is better than that.
Turn to a hobby and learn something new
Surround yourself with people who are good for you
Be patient: you are not going to wake up the next day and feel ok again, this is a long process of acceptance, healing and recovery. You need to be patient with yourself.
I hope that this has been helpful and remember don’t let this define you, you are strong enough to get through this!
A massive thank you to Becky for sharing her story and providing some really helpful tips on how to help moving forward.
If you would like to share your story please get in touch.